pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
