you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
