I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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