Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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