I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
