Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
