wat bout pragnant strippers??
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
