this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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