how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
