I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
