I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
