Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
