I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
40s are totally the cure
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
