New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
