She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
