porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
