Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
