Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
