they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
