dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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