Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
