you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
