Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
