Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
