The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
