Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
