Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My cat gives me a boner
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize