so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
