Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There's always time for handjobs
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
