I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
