This dress was meant to end up on your floor
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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