3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
