I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
