the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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