I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
