I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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