well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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