all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
