dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
