I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
