The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
