you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
