R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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