I wish I only lived at night.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
