it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
