So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize