you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
