I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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