Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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