new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
