I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
