I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
