I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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