I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
now i know why i became what i already was.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
