I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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