i just wanna soil my oats bro
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
