The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
