Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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