So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
