My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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