I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
