Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
