I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
