so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
