lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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