Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
