"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
