don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
