I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize