I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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