I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
