Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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