respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
