WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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