By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
