3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
