would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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